Bashtard's weblog

I'm not talking 'ladies of the night' who stand on the corner near, and/or close to red lights. Nor am I talking about women in a 'red light district'. No, I am talking about women who stagger their cars at a red light so they are not exposing themselves to a potential 'window to window' situation. Thus blocking any attempt for scary men to look at them. I love it. In fact, I love it so much I look for it and even giggle when it happens.

I notice this all the time. It's like clockwork. It's amost as if all the women in the world got together and conspired against men. If you don't think it happens, look around you the next time you're at a light and see if the woman who is driving beside you is in view, or just a little bit behind you at the light. You'll find that 99% of them are hiding their 'beauty'.

This month has been full of amusing stories. The problem has been (a) having the time to write about it (b) being able to think of any words to describe it. I could go back to my 'everything is a "what's up with that" blog', but I'd rather not.

You know what... here goes. Get ready to read.

1. Grimm and I have been planning to move out since the dawn of time. Every time it's the same story, "I don't wanna move all the way down there. I don't wanna move all the way up there". Grimm, that SOB, finally took it upon himself and is moving out without me. The jerk. Yeah I know.. What a jerk!!!

Anyway, so he and I have been painting the basement where he lives so he can move down there :p

People just enjoy criticizing, "you haven't painted yet" or "it's no further than last time". Those people didn't inherit the worst walls on earth. These things were horrible. So many dents, scratches, cracks, holes, uneven spots, stains, windows that could fall out, etc... It took days just to patch all the holes and prime the walls. Then after priming, we saw more dents, scratches, cracks. We ended up using an entire 18 Litres of primer, plus a third of a regular can on the walls and ceiling. These are not big rooms at all. They were just so blemished that we kept having to use more to cover our patch work.

Finally though... we were able to paint 3 walls. I didn't see it completely dry, but what I saw looked amazing. Those walls are so flat now and all those holes from the nail gun fight people must have been having are completely gone.

The windows are a masterpiece. I wish there was a before and after so you could see a visual. I'll run though the living room. The window with the A/C (yes ladies, Grimm has A/C) would fall out if you sneezed on it. It is/was held in only by duct tape. It also had a huge hole in the concrete around it, where air, insects, you name it, could venture through. Flat out, not weather treated at all. I took some white caulking and put a rim around the entire window, filled that hole in the concrete and filled in a few other gaps and cracks that were letting mother nature in. The next two windows were pretty much the same. Cracking around the windows, air from outside able to get in and they looked fucking ugly. By the time I was done, Grimm was doing things like "wtf is this?" and would be scratching the window, thinking I stained it. The windows were so good that his eyes were finally able to focus on the other problems the windows had. He apparently never saw them before.

Overall...

Paint and supplies - $300
Gas money back and forth - $100
Feeling of accomplishment that you and your friend were able to turn something shitty into a shagg palace - Priceless


Cont'd on next blog

2. "Fat kid gets stuck in turnstile, read all about it"

I had just walked into the mall and at the first store, I see a fat kid stuck in a turnstile. Most people thrust their pelvis against them and walk through until the are at the opening on the other side. Not this kid. This kid must have continued going (or backed into it) because he was caught between the steel barrier that divides the store and the turnstile. I only saw a few seconds of the whole thing, but I can assure you they didn't get him out by lifting him :)

3. People using their cell phones while driving

I could go on forever with this topic. I have to cut it short or I will end up running someone off the road today. The short and sweet is this. People who cannot multi-task, should not be using their cell while they drive. Looking at the road, your mirrors and listening to what is going on around you is the priority. If you can't have a phone against your head and still be able to make all three of those the priority, put the phone down. People are honking at you and giving you the finger for a reason. They aren't telling you that you're #1... and if you don't care that people are doing that to you, then you truly don't understand the teamwork involved in driving on the roads. Pull over please.

4. Kid gets zinged about "screw you guys"

This was damn funny. It happened yesterday at a Tim Hortons downtown. As soon as I heard it, I broke out laughing and called Grimm to tell him. Then he proceeded to break out laughing.

These punk kids were being all cool in the Tim Hortons, but then one of boys all of a sudden turns to the others and goes, "screw you guys". The girl, who seemed clever beyond her years asks, "Are you going home?". He answered with, "Yes".

I couldn't hold it in, I started laughing right there. That kid got his ass burned so bad (Cartman style) and he was completely oblivious to the burn. I wanted to go high-5 that girl for such clever burnage.

Last year was my first year back to organized sports after 3.5 years of injuries. I then played winter hockey and again have signed up for baseball and hockey.

The summer hockey season started a few weeks ago (baseball this Friday) and I noticed the first game and now 3 games in, I'm finally over the rust. All the plays where I would have fallen over, or the puck would have slipped off my stick, etc... none of those are happening anymore. I even have 10x the energy. During the winter I wasn't even able to finish a shift on defence. Now I can play a full game of centre forward and still feel fine afterwards.

I can't wait to see what baseball is like. Maybe I'll be the next Barry Bonds. I'll paint my skin black and swear at everyone to get reports to hate me. It'll be awesome.

Only 1 of my ex's didn't use chapstick. Today I get one of those "Here's your latest match" spam, and one of the things 'Kristin can't live without' is Chapstick. I don't understand it cuz I've never used it, only had that crap smeared on my lips after a kiss. It becomes an addiction for women (and gay men).

I'll end this with... "what's up with that?"

It started this spring. My sunroof appears to be stuck in some way. It does retract, but it sounds like it's getting caught on something. I don't recall the car changing shape in any way over the winter, but something is obviously wrong with it.

Another thing I noticed even more recently is that my sunroof is closing itself when I turn off the car.

This should be very puzzling, except for 2 years it hadn't been doing that and I'd always have to turn the key back and shut it. I mean, it's convenient, but I left wondering if it's broken right now and it shouldn't be closing itself, or if it was broken for 2 years and I never knew.

I guess the only way to find out is to take it right into the belly of the beast and ask the people who installed it when I got the car.

addendum

My car has added a new feature. When I turned the car off, the passenger shouted "oh shit" because she had forgotten to roll up the window. So with the keys in my hands, she proceeds to roll up the window (automatic windows). I'm sitting there astonished, because yet again... my car never did that before.

I have no idea what's going on.