...and you nerds liked these Lord of the Rings movies, why?
I had to watch it because I forced myself to sit through the other bore-fests known as the Fellowship of the Rings and Two Towers. This third one though was even worse than its predecessors. If it wasn't the complete and utter uselessness of the great wizard, it was the willingness of you, the nerdy movie viewer, to overlook every flaw in the storyline.
Gandalf was as useful in this trilogy as Spock was in the Simpsons 'Monorail' episode. "My work here is done" so says Gandalf at the end. To which I reply in the theatre with, "what did you do?"
I do have to admit that he is the one who figured out the whole shpeel with the rings, etc... but if you think about it, so could any other researcher. There are millions around the world today, just waiting for that chance to reveal the next .... whatever
I also have to admit it was he who lead them through the caves and shit in the first movie. My cheaper solution (since a researcher would have already found out this information) would be to find Golem, point a few swords to his cute puppy-dog eyes and tell him to lead the troops through the caves.
I can't begin to count the number of times I said "DO SOMETHING" when his face was on the screen.
A few examples,
The hobbit guy had to light the beacon
The hobbit guy had to save the son from being set on fire
What did Gandalf do? He hit the father with his staff. WOW
Storm from X-men would have been more useful. Claustrophobia aside, she could have lit the beacon, put the other flame out, done something useful to the enemy, etc...
Instead we are left with Gandalf to have what appears to be a homosexual crush on the hobbit guy.
As Grimm already mentioned, he is a white wizard now. I guess the White Wizard ceremony went like this: "You are now a White Wizard. Go, and may you be able to flash a bright light from the end of your staff"
Now we'll quickly examine the wizard (Saruman) stuck in the tower.
We are now done with the examination as was the movie.
Sinned tries to explain the above.
Some other things that I just couldn't understand:
1. The battle strategy of the morons in the town just before Minas Trith (pretty sure this happened there). So the Ogres are jumping off their ships and into the town whilst the clever soldiers decide to hide behind the pillars. Then just at the perfect moment they will make their presence known and attack!!! Except they decided to do this when 50% of the Ogres were in the town and the other 50% still jumping from the boats. Essentially leaving them completely in the middle of thousands of Ogres. Not that they had a chance anyway, but who the hell thought of that strategy?
2. The dead soldiers who came to Minas Tirth with Aragorn. Did they really need to take the ship with Aragorn and the others? They're DEAD. They fly, they can go through walls. Why take the boat and take FOREVER getting to battle. Sure they did kick major ass when they got there, but how stupid is that for a plan of attack? Though how were Aragorn and the others supposed to get there if not by ship. But go without the dead guys for god sakes. Meet them there.
3. All the homo-erotic scenes with Sam and Frodo, or the other hobbit guys, or Gandalf and that hobbit. What's up with that?
4. Shouldn't 'THE KING' be the one to defeat the physical form of 'The Lord of the Rings'?? What the hell is with the corny ass girl power "I am no man" bullshit?? Was it not the ancestor of Aragorn who cut off that things hand last time?? This time all it takes is a midget with a sword and a woman of the new millennium with her "I'm just as good as any guy" attitude. I recall the last time these forces met, killing that thing was a tad more difficult.
5. Why let the dead soldiers go when you knew you had to go help Frodo? Aragorn should have been like, "we'll take all our men including the ghos... oh shit, I let them go, didn't I? *DUMBASS*
6. In one of the forty endings, could Liv Tyler not give us one of those Neo/Trinity love scenes? She is well over due for some full frontal action. Myself and all the other desperate men have sat through enough stinkers that this should have been 'the one'.
7. Saruman was also a white wizard, correct?
Why were his powers way more badass than anything Gandalf could even imagine to conjure up?
*drum beat* Now the moment of truth! **drum beat**
*drum beat* "The winner of best recent theatrical trilogy is....." *drum beat*
If I have to choose between The Matrix and Lord of the Rings.... -cypher voice- I CHOOSE THE MATRIX!!
Let the bitching at bashtard begin.
I say The Matrix because LOTR is too much bullshit unrealistic fantasy. By no means is The Matrix realistic, but it did test your mind and make you think that maybe, just maybe this was possible.
They blew it in the third movie because it could have been so much better, but on the same note, for everyone's wishes to come true and everything be explained, the third Matrix movie would have to be three movies long to make everyone happy.
Then once the comparison begins, because The Matrix is based on logical information (logical in the computer sense) it will be easier for the LOTR nerds to bash it because things in the Matrix can be logically explained, where as in LOTR, any bullshit hole or failure in the story can be patched up by saying, "its fantasy" or "it was for effect".
In my mind The Matrix will always be superior because who other than Neo can be connected to the Matrix from the outside world via the 802.11g wireless ethernet adapter stuck up their butt??
Oh yeah... one final comment about Lord of the Rings...
Orlando Bloom is just dreamy.
I had to watch it because I forced myself to sit through the other bore-fests known as the Fellowship of the Rings and Two Towers. This third one though was even worse than its predecessors. If it wasn't the complete and utter uselessness of the great wizard, it was the willingness of you, the nerdy movie viewer, to overlook every flaw in the storyline.
Gandalf was as useful in this trilogy as Spock was in the Simpsons 'Monorail' episode. "My work here is done" so says Gandalf at the end. To which I reply in the theatre with, "what did you do?"
I do have to admit that he is the one who figured out the whole shpeel with the rings, etc... but if you think about it, so could any other researcher. There are millions around the world today, just waiting for that chance to reveal the next .... whatever
I also have to admit it was he who lead them through the caves and shit in the first movie. My cheaper solution (since a researcher would have already found out this information) would be to find Golem, point a few swords to his cute puppy-dog eyes and tell him to lead the troops through the caves.
I can't begin to count the number of times I said "DO SOMETHING" when his face was on the screen.
A few examples,
The hobbit guy had to light the beacon
The hobbit guy had to save the son from being set on fire
What did Gandalf do? He hit the father with his staff. WOW
Storm from X-men would have been more useful. Claustrophobia aside, she could have lit the beacon, put the other flame out, done something useful to the enemy, etc...
Instead we are left with Gandalf to have what appears to be a homosexual crush on the hobbit guy.
As Grimm already mentioned, he is a white wizard now. I guess the White Wizard ceremony went like this: "You are now a White Wizard. Go, and may you be able to flash a bright light from the end of your staff"
Now we'll quickly examine the wizard (Saruman) stuck in the tower.
We are now done with the examination as was the movie.
Sinned tries to explain the above.
Some other things that I just couldn't understand:
1. The battle strategy of the morons in the town just before Minas Trith (pretty sure this happened there). So the Ogres are jumping off their ships and into the town whilst the clever soldiers decide to hide behind the pillars. Then just at the perfect moment they will make their presence known and attack!!! Except they decided to do this when 50% of the Ogres were in the town and the other 50% still jumping from the boats. Essentially leaving them completely in the middle of thousands of Ogres. Not that they had a chance anyway, but who the hell thought of that strategy?
2. The dead soldiers who came to Minas Tirth with Aragorn. Did they really need to take the ship with Aragorn and the others? They're DEAD. They fly, they can go through walls. Why take the boat and take FOREVER getting to battle. Sure they did kick major ass when they got there, but how stupid is that for a plan of attack? Though how were Aragorn and the others supposed to get there if not by ship. But go without the dead guys for god sakes. Meet them there.
3. All the homo-erotic scenes with Sam and Frodo, or the other hobbit guys, or Gandalf and that hobbit. What's up with that?
4. Shouldn't 'THE KING' be the one to defeat the physical form of 'The Lord of the Rings'?? What the hell is with the corny ass girl power "I am no man" bullshit?? Was it not the ancestor of Aragorn who cut off that things hand last time?? This time all it takes is a midget with a sword and a woman of the new millennium with her "I'm just as good as any guy" attitude. I recall the last time these forces met, killing that thing was a tad more difficult.
5. Why let the dead soldiers go when you knew you had to go help Frodo? Aragorn should have been like, "we'll take all our men including the ghos... oh shit, I let them go, didn't I? *DUMBASS*
6. In one of the forty endings, could Liv Tyler not give us one of those Neo/Trinity love scenes? She is well over due for some full frontal action. Myself and all the other desperate men have sat through enough stinkers that this should have been 'the one'.
7. Saruman was also a white wizard, correct?
Why were his powers way more badass than anything Gandalf could even imagine to conjure up?
*drum beat* Now the moment of truth! **drum beat**
*drum beat* "The winner of best recent theatrical trilogy is....." *drum beat*
If I have to choose between The Matrix and Lord of the Rings.... -cypher voice- I CHOOSE THE MATRIX!!
Let the bitching at bashtard begin.
I say The Matrix because LOTR is too much bullshit unrealistic fantasy. By no means is The Matrix realistic, but it did test your mind and make you think that maybe, just maybe this was possible.
They blew it in the third movie because it could have been so much better, but on the same note, for everyone's wishes to come true and everything be explained, the third Matrix movie would have to be three movies long to make everyone happy.
Then once the comparison begins, because The Matrix is based on logical information (logical in the computer sense) it will be easier for the LOTR nerds to bash it because things in the Matrix can be logically explained, where as in LOTR, any bullshit hole or failure in the story can be patched up by saying, "its fantasy" or "it was for effect".
In my mind The Matrix will always be superior because who other than Neo can be connected to the Matrix from the outside world via the 802.11g wireless ethernet adapter stuck up their butt??
Oh yeah... one final comment about Lord of the Rings...
Orlando Bloom is just dreamy.