Bashtard's weblog

It's not often that you run into a respected NHL celebrity who is willing to waste some of their free time to sit and talk hockey.

The Tuesday night ritual went on as planned. Steve-O and myself laugh and leave Grimm behind at work while we head over to the local watering hole. Some time passes, then I notice this man walk in who looks very familiar but I know I have never met him in person.

I take a glance again, then right away SMS Vinnie that sitting a few seats down from me is former New York Rangers GM, Neil Smith. This is confirmed by the Hugh Jass ring on his right hand. That being from the 1994 Stanley Cup victory over the Vancouver Canucks. The Canucks beat the Leafs that year to advance to the finals.

Being myself, one who doesn't shy away from speaking to anyone, I decide to go up and speak to him. My first comment was, "does it really feel like 10 years now?". He knew what I meant right away without me having to elaborate on the generic statement. You could tell the pride he had in that ring and just the perspective someone of his current and former position takes towards the game. We shared 'hometown player' stories of who in the NHL grew up or played in the small towns we live(d) in as kids. We also watched a replay of himself on the NHL Network talking about this one player, as he put it, "watch what McGillis does here". He didn't need to point out the player on the ice because with my knowledge of hockey I already knew the players position just by the name. It was an interesting conversation indeed and one that I'm glad I made the effort of initiating. We shook hands and went on our merry ways.

He departed some time later and not long after that Steve-O and myself made our exit.

Pretty interesting evening for sure. It's good sometimes to be able to sit there and just talk hockey with a peer who knows as much, and in this case, much more than you do.

When did the blog become a competition?

There's an ugly rumour round these parts that some fellers have issues with the rankin' system on them here tribe.

Now I'm no chemist, but I'm pretty sure this argument makes absolutely no sense. Unless the complaint is that someone's 'feedreader' is telling them there's an update that's not an interesting read, than what does it really matter?

A few points:

1. Why do people have to write blogs tailored for your read?
A blog is written as an expression of oneself to be read by whomever stumbles upon it.
I'd love to know if people outside the circle of friends were reading my blogs.
Alas... no mod_rewrite

2. How is anyone important enough that they have the option to tell others if they can or cannot blog, regardless of how pointless the topic or if it puts them at the top of the list or not? As far as I'm concerned, 'None of us are as smart as all of us'.

3. Not that I am any form of administrator on this site, but flaming is childish no matter where it's done.
I allow it on the pile, but only if its directed at me... because frankly I don't give a shit.

4. If you make reference a to co-tribe user in your blog, I suggest you include an HTML link to their blog, as a way of popularizing their work. I'm sure they would appreciate the new audience.

Include:
<a href="URI_here" target="_blank">co-tribe member</a>

So in conclusion, keep fit and have fun. I'm Hal Johnson.

Pizza Day

I get home and can you guess what my mother made for dinner??
You guessed it, nothing but good ol' fashion home cooked PIZZA!!!

uhmmm... home as in 'visiting' my old stomping grounds
c'mon ladies, you know I don't actually live with my parents

thats just... just... gay bear

what's up with that?

what's up with that?

...and you nerds liked these Lord of the Rings movies, why?

I had to watch it because I forced myself to sit through the other bore-fests known as the Fellowship of the Rings and Two Towers. This third one though was even worse than its predecessors. If it wasn't the complete and utter uselessness of the great wizard, it was the willingness of you, the nerdy movie viewer, to overlook every flaw in the storyline.

Gandalf was as useful in this trilogy as Spock was in the Simpsons 'Monorail' episode. "My work here is done" so says Gandalf at the end. To which I reply in the theatre with, "what did you do?"

I do have to admit that he is the one who figured out the whole shpeel with the rings, etc... but if you think about it, so could any other researcher. There are millions around the world today, just waiting for that chance to reveal the next .... whatever

I also have to admit it was he who lead them through the caves and shit in the first movie. My cheaper solution (since a researcher would have already found out this information) would be to find Golem, point a few swords to his cute puppy-dog eyes and tell him to lead the troops through the caves.

I can't begin to count the number of times I said "DO SOMETHING" when his face was on the screen.

A few examples,
The hobbit guy had to light the beacon
The hobbit guy had to save the son from being set on fire

What did Gandalf do? He hit the father with his staff. WOW

Storm from X-men would have been more useful. Claustrophobia aside, she could have lit the beacon, put the other flame out, done something useful to the enemy, etc...

Instead we are left with Gandalf to have what appears to be a homosexual crush on the hobbit guy.

As Grimm already mentioned, he is a white wizard now. I guess the White Wizard ceremony went like this: "You are now a White Wizard. Go, and may you be able to flash a bright light from the end of your staff"

Now we'll quickly examine the wizard (Saruman) stuck in the tower.
We are now done with the examination as was the movie.

Sinned tries to explain the above.

Some other things that I just couldn't understand:

1. The battle strategy of the morons in the town just before Minas Trith (pretty sure this happened there). So the Ogres are jumping off their ships and into the town whilst the clever soldiers decide to hide behind the pillars. Then just at the perfect moment they will make their presence known and attack!!! Except they decided to do this when 50% of the Ogres were in the town and the other 50% still jumping from the boats. Essentially leaving them completely in the middle of thousands of Ogres. Not that they had a chance anyway, but who the hell thought of that strategy?

2. The dead soldiers who came to Minas Tirth with Aragorn. Did they really need to take the ship with Aragorn and the others? They're DEAD. They fly, they can go through walls. Why take the boat and take FOREVER getting to battle. Sure they did kick major ass when they got there, but how stupid is that for a plan of attack? Though how were Aragorn and the others supposed to get there if not by ship. But go without the dead guys for god sakes. Meet them there.

3. All the homo-erotic scenes with Sam and Frodo, or the other hobbit guys, or Gandalf and that hobbit. What's up with that?

4. Shouldn't 'THE KING' be the one to defeat the physical form of 'The Lord of the Rings'?? What the hell is with the corny ass girl power "I am no man" bullshit?? Was it not the ancestor of Aragorn who cut off that things hand last time?? This time all it takes is a midget with a sword and a woman of the new millennium with her "I'm just as good as any guy" attitude. I recall the last time these forces met, killing that thing was a tad more difficult.

5. Why let the dead soldiers go when you knew you had to go help Frodo? Aragorn should have been like, "we'll take all our men including the ghos... oh shit, I let them go, didn't I? *DUMBASS*

6. In one of the forty endings, could Liv Tyler not give us one of those Neo/Trinity love scenes? She is well over due for some full frontal action. Myself and all the other desperate men have sat through enough stinkers that this should have been 'the one'.

7. Saruman was also a white wizard, correct?
Why were his powers way more badass than anything Gandalf could even imagine to conjure up?

*drum beat* Now the moment of truth! **drum beat**
*drum beat* "The winner of best recent theatrical trilogy is....." *drum beat*

If I have to choose between The Matrix and Lord of the Rings.... -cypher voice- I CHOOSE THE MATRIX!!

Let the bitching at bashtard begin.

I say The Matrix because LOTR is too much bullshit unrealistic fantasy. By no means is The Matrix realistic, but it did test your mind and make you think that maybe, just maybe this was possible.
They blew it in the third movie because it could have been so much better, but on the same note, for everyone's wishes to come true and everything be explained, the third Matrix movie would have to be three movies long to make everyone happy.

Then once the comparison begins, because The Matrix is based on logical information (logical in the computer sense) it will be easier for the LOTR nerds to bash it because things in the Matrix can be logically explained, where as in LOTR, any bullshit hole or failure in the story can be patched up by saying, "its fantasy" or "it was for effect".

In my mind The Matrix will always be superior because who other than Neo can be connected to the Matrix from the outside world via the 802.11g wireless ethernet adapter stuck up their butt??

Oh yeah... one final comment about Lord of the Rings...
Orlando Bloom is just dreamy.

Went out with my cougar lady friend (can guys be cougars?) shopping in Mississausage, actually buying Christmas gifts (what's up with that?).

We decide for dinner to stop at Casey's in Sherway.
I had only been to Casey's once before so its almost like trying something new... and you ladies know how I love to try new things!!

Anyway... we eat, food good, blah blah

Then we're leaving and I sorta catch eyes with this one rather beautiful lady who seems surprised to see me. I keep walking... pause... think think, who is it?.... then walk back in and right up to her. She goes, "i'm the one who never talks". By that time I already knew who she was, but it sure was nice to see her again.

To take you back some time... I had gone to Cuba in June and met, what still seems to be the woman of my dreams and her family. "The one who never talks" was the nickname I gave for the oldest sister who just would not say a word unless she was forced.

"The one who never talks" sister was cute as hell, damn fun to talk to and be around, but she had a boyfriend. Now that totally sucked... still does actually, cuz I still think about her all the time. She just had it all. Looks, intelligence, personality, etc... how could I not like her?

Then we were kinda, "should we meet again" but she decided it would be best if we didn't cuz she had a boyfriend and it just wouldn't be right. To which I had to accept the reality.

So anyway, I'm talking to "the one who never talks" and I ask of her family and she asks how I'm doing. As well she mentions to her friend that I'm the guy whom her sister had hit it off with in Cuba. I let it be known, firstly "the one who never talks" is to go home and smack her sister in the head for not replying to my emails, then to remind her that if she ever breaks up with that guy, I'm, as I put it, "waiting in the wings".

...typical me forgot to introduce the cougar to "the one who never talks", but meh... who cares?

So we will see what relationship state my cutie pie is in. For me, I hope she's single again!!!

It took 7 long years of waiting, but finally my dog 'Mac' has taken a crap and my eyes have been witness to it!!

He didn't know I was watching though. I saw it all go down (pun intended) from the complete other side of my house, high up above the garage where he couldn't see me. It was so cute too!

He was sniffing around, pissing on things... and for those of you who have met this dog, you know witnessing him piss is almost as rare an event as the #2. I've even blogged before about the 'respect' he gives when I'm taking a piss outside by not watching and being too shy to piss when myself or my father are around.

Finally after minutes of searching, he decided on and leaned over a spot of grass emerging its way from the snowy depths of one of my many acres of land, and let er go!! I couldn't get the smile off my face it was so cute!!!!!

To explain what seems to be my perversion with my dog's bowel movements, you have to understand that when I say I haven't seen my dog take a crap in 7 years, I literally mean it. Think about that for a second. I've had this dog since he was no larger than my hand, and the one other time I did see him take a crap was the first day I brought him home. To teach him I shoved his face in it, smacked him on the nose and told him "NO", then transported his left-overs to where I wanted him to do his bidnis, shoved his face in it and told him "Good Boy" and patted him on the head. He learned right after that and never went on our lawn ever again (smart guy).

If you're a true dog lover or 'parent' if you will, you would enjoy witnessing their first times. In this case, first time crapping where he is supposed to.

Hell, it took 4 years just to see him lift his leg and take a piss! I was cutting the lawn at the time. I was so happy to see it that I got off the riding mower and gave him a BIG HUG... when he was finished of course. He, like all other dogs, used to piss the female way in his early stages of life and it took till 4 years later to see that he was all grown up.

What can I say??

**giving him a nuggy**
"I LOVE YA, YA LITTLE FUCKER"

what's up with that?

Since I started the advertising campaign for bashtard.com I've been noticing a lot of hostnames ending with .mil in them.

.mil for those who are unaware, belongs to the U.S. Military

I found that rather on the cool side because the locations seemed to be from all over the place. Trying to guess the hostname location was a game in itself. A game for nerds that is :)

But today I noticed not only .mil hostnames but this one other hostname 'dnd.ca' which seemed to scan the entire site from first to last page. I'm thinking, "that's cool shit, someone scanned the whole pile" until I look at who actually owns 'dnd.ca'

'dnd.ca' is the Canadian Department of National Defence.

In the same day I had the U.S. Military and the Canadian Army viewing the pile. That just can't be good.
Sure I'm protected with 'the rules' but c'mon.... not the police, the ARMY is watching!!!

Well I hope the pile can be all that it can be, as to retain the attention of our Peace Keepers and Soldier friends to the South.

Lead on brave soldiers... the pile is behind you 100%

The world is trying to get even with me, I'm convinced.

I drive to work every day because I find it much more convenient than waiting for a subway or a bus and freezing my gonads off.

The problem with that, and has always been the problem with my plastic mobile, is that it hurts my lower back sooooooo much because I'm too tall to be sitting in that car. After 15 minutes or so, my back just can't take it any more and I squirm around in my seat as if there were ants in my pants, just trying to find that comfortable position so I don't have to think about the pain. One can never be found however.

So anyway...

Making it to work is a struggle, but making it home is exponentially worse. Especially this time of year with all the fucking morons on the road who don't have a clue how to drive in the winter time and shouldn't even have a damn license they drive so fucking retarded. What I'm saying is, it takes too damn long to drive home and by the time I get there I can hardly walk. I go home and lay down for at least 30 minutes to rest my back so I can walk again.

People, parents, etc... keep telling me to get an Obus Form for my car, but that has nothing to do with it. My seat doesn't support enough of my legs, so an Obus Form would just push me further off the seat making the back pain even worse. Plus, the Obus Form has such little support for the lumbar region and that's where I need 100% of the support for my back. I've even tried adjusting the seat in every possible contortion to no avail. Every position hurts.

What this comes down to now is the need for a commitment from ANYONE who wants to move out, and move out NOW!!!

I figured out that I can't afford a new car, but I can easily move out to somewhere between work and home. So anyone interested in moving out to somewhere between King City and 1 Yonge St. drop me a line and we'll figure out this moving out shit, cuz I just can't take the pain any longer.

what's up with that?

what's up with that?

what's up with that?

what's up with that?

The caker pork chop and I went to our favourite watering hole, post work hour, and we see our favorite, undeterminable aged waitress. This was our second or third run in with this particular waitress. Personally I can't figure out how old she is, cuz she looks like someone who could be in their early 30's but she doesn't seem to have the lines and wrinkles typically found on someone in their early 30's. However you look at it, its obvious she wants to sleep with me.

...back to the story

This time I thought I'd try a different kind of flirting, more on the nerdy clever side. So when asked what I would like when I sat down, I asked for "a coke and your finest menu". She sat there for a second saying to herself, "finest menu?" then clued into the cheese of the comment and presented me with as she said, "my finest menu".

The caker pork chop and I did our usual, talk/bitch/complain about women and work all night, to which she mentioned that is the only topic we seem to talk about. Meaning.... she's paying attention and I/we have an audience!! She even took the time to throw an insult the way of the caker pork chop of his fetish for naked women in sandals (?? what a freak).

Then, whilst the caker pork chop is away she makes her move and takes the time out of her busy day to spend a good 5 minutes talking to me and asking the "what do you do" kinda questions. Obviously I'm working for the RCMP under cover and I make 80k/a. That and a volunteer fire fighter!! (ladies love that shit)

Anyhoo... much like my last interest, this one is also leaving the country for a year (first one is confirmed in Europe!) and going to teach english in S. Korea. Meaning... I have to make the moves ASAP!!!

So before we left, I asked of her upcoming work schedule and she said she may not be working on Tues of next week (only day the caker and I can go). I put my hand on her arm and politely asked her to go in even if she's not scheduled to work because we can "enjoy her last days together". Man, I'm smooth as silk!!

Basically, I'm trying to teach myself how to hit on a lady because I've been picked up every time and don't have the skillz required to sweep a lady off her feet. I can flirt like mad, but can't go in for the kill. Though, I can just feel the slimy confidence increasing and then one day... Chris will be upset with me because I'll actually get a woman's phone number.

one job?
that's for losers!
I'm one of those |337 guys who might have two jobs!!

Those who know me well, know that I can be a persistent pain in the ass. That or wild in the sack!! MEOW!! (ask McFly)
So knowing that aspect of my persona, it shouldn't surprise you that I decided to yet again email the guy whom I didn't get a job with months ago when it seemed like it was a lock. I mentioned I had a job but would still be willing to work my days off for him.

He replied offering some temporary work. A day here, two there. Taking into account my current schedule of course.
Hopefully his current contract will bring in the originally expected revenue (the reason I was even being offered a job) and I could have the option of finally getting the ideal job I was looking for at the ideal pay.

That's too far into the future though. Firstly, get the temp work, prove I'm as good as I say I am (ladies, speak up) and then get that job that lets me have the car that gets me all the pooty tang.

Uhmmm... I mean, get a nice 4-door sedan with child seat installed :)

To some this is old news already, but to others it will be a memory they keep for many seconds to come.

**I would have posted this blog earlier but Sinned broke Grimm's code, so it had to wait**

It was dark. We were by ourselves. Nobody around for protection.
Then suddenly... SHE GOES DOWN!!!! NOOOO!!!! COME BACK... PLEASE COME BACK!!! One of the freakin' core routers goes down. Only ones left to fix it are myself, SpIkY and 'the one with no alias'.

SpIkY is looking for 'the key'.
'the key' will allow us access to 'the source'.
'the source' is located in the office of the one they call 'Yoshi'.
'the key' cannot be found, therefore I must take it upon myself to gain access to 'the source' and get my grasp on the "new key'.

A 'ladder' is found, two in fact. These can aid my quest of 'the source'. I scale the, as they call it 'ladder', clear passage and mount the mighty beast. I am ready to receive this other 'ladder' and SpIkY makes a valiant effort to pass it along. However, I cannot reach the floor and safely drop the 'ladder'. 'the one with no alias' cleverly supplies some cables of network usage and that greatly aids the decent of the 'ladder'. All that is left now is to scale the other side of the beast and gain full access to 'Yoshi's' lair. T'was all done with ease aside from the torn attire during the ordeal.

Grimm now was watching in amazement at my skills... and wearing my sun glasses.

'the source' is reached, SpIkY gets the 'new key' and reboots the core router, Grimm goes back to work and I go home.

Everyone knows the new mission on the pile is Shameless Advertising.
Of course they do, so why should I even bother mentioning it?

Anyhoo..
I'm watching LeafsTV on Friday, Leafs Lunch to be more exact, and I hear the host mention "email me at jeff@mojoradio.com and I'll send you the address about...."

Well did I email him or what?
Shameless me sends this guy an email from bashtard@bashtard.com with my URL's littered everywhere in the message. He replied with just the URL he promised, but I wonder if he actually took a glance at the Pile.
Who knows... and uhmmm.. who cares really?

To continue my effort, I have added bashtard.com to 11 co-humor websites, 3 of which are ranking sites. I'm sure they are corrupt ranking sites, but if I get any hits from them, that's good enough for me.

So now I start looking back in your direction, the bashtard.com viewers.
Are you going to help me further promote this site?
There's a hat and an @bashtard.com email address in it for you!!

what's up with that?